I have never labeled myself a happy person. I’m a person, with the capacity to be happy. To be content. To be the very best, like no one ever was.
I’ve done soul searching recently and I haven’t really been happy for about 3 years. Sheesh man, that’s a long time, but it’s good that you’re acknowledging it now. If not now then when, when you’re completely destroyed?
It’s really not hard to figure out what lead to this. Life happens, life gets in the way. I’ll deal with it later. I’m busy. I can’t deal with it right now. Excuses, excuses, excuses. NO. You deal with it now. You have all the time in the world to figure out what makes you work and ensure this never happens again. Life may have been a thing you felt could hang on forever, but you could tell in the back of your mind something has been wrong for a really long time. What was it? You? Her? Doesn’t matter now, good on you for acknowledging your sadness and trying to fix it. Yes, do it now; you are important. You matter, stop putting yourself last.
Depression can be a hell of a soul crusher. You can make a lot of terrible choices in depression. Not stick up for yourself, not go outside your comfort zone, just being a unpleasant in general. Remember that “gaming” computer you built? It wasn’t built because you were bored, or lazy. But because you were depressed and games gave you a feeling of nostalgia, when you were young and happier. It’s ok to find something that makes you happy, but do you want that to be your life? Staying inside and playing video games? People do that, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. You like music right? You can do something with that. Music has always been something that has deep meaning to you.
Find something you have a passion for, find who you are.
Stephen Life Mantras [subject to change, life changes]:
- You can never have enough Macaroni and Cheese.
- Be easy on yourself.
- You are under no obligation to be the same person you were yesterday.
- Go get out in the world, be more adventurous.
- Never let anyone tell you how you should feel.
- You make your own choices in life, and they have consequences, and that is OK.
- Don’t dwell, it doesn’t help you.
- Don’t be afraid. Life is scary.
- Be alone. Learn it. Become your best friend.